The List

A little more than a year ago, I threw up my little white flag and said, “Alright, I get it. I give up.” Moving back in with my parents felt like the ultimate defeat, but what was I to do? I had this fabulous job that had me fabulously broke, and my dating spree had me exhausted. I needed something simple and comforting: mommy and daddy.

I’ve always been an anti-social roommate and living with my parents proved no different. I was either not home or locked up in my charming bedroom dressed in yellow walls and whitewash furniture. It made me want to squeeze someone’s cheeks—usually Foxy’s.

During one of my nights of solitude, I decided it was time to stop being a victim. Sure, I cold roll up in a little ball and have Dad gas up my car while mom cooked me dinner. Or I could stop being a pansy and go after the things I wanted. Thankfully, I chose the latter (but not without resistance, of course).

A good friend of my mine once advised me to make a list of all the qualities I wanted in a guy. After completing the list, I was to stash it and then wait for some super human dude to come. Listen, I had nothing else to lose at this point. I was recycling old flings and Foxy didn’t care to snuggle as much anymore.

So I made my list (pictured above). I wrote things like, “someone who is stable, but a free spirit,” “not cheap,” and “a guy who loves Foxy.” I even wrote, “someone taller than me with heels.” We all remember I Choose Michael. So you can’t blame me for not wanting to take any chances.

Three months after I wrote my list, I met Benny. And I’ll be honest, he didn’t come in the big red bow I was expecting—but that would have been boring, anyway. It took flexibility on both of our parts to realize we were one another’s jam. But now that I look back, he has every single quality I listed—and a few extras like being the best cocoon you’ll ever find.

It’s easy to think of the list as a magic spell. But it was more like a commitment I made to myself. After having my heart broken a few years prior, I told myself I would never fall in love again. And that’s such a bullshit thing to tell yourself. It’s not true. Period. In fact, I was at an advantage. I now knew what I needed and wanted, so I had the opportunity to find someone really awesome.

My requests came with a promise. I promised to stay true to my list in good times and in bad, which meant not texting the dangerous, completely unstable guys (sigh), but instead being honest about what I wanted and aligning myself accordingly. And wha-la, Benny appeared.

The power is in the intention, my friends.